If Moms Had TV Shows

Shoe Hunters

Next week on Shoe Hunters, tempers flare as the search for a rogue flip-flop ensues. Our hunters have already looked in all the usual places and the clock is ticking to leave the house on time. “You don’t understand, honey! It is a teeny-tiny baby flip-flop. It is paper thin and it could have fallen anywhere, so YEAH! I need you to pull out the washing machine!” “Come ON, babe! She had it in her hand 2 seconds ago!”

Coming up: Whew! We found your sister’s shoe, let’s g- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHOES???!!!

And later, the search under beds lead our Northern hunters on a dark journey…”I’m not going in there! I don’t care if there is 3-ft of snow outside, put his sandals on.”

MSI: Mom Scene Investigation

How do you find the truth, when the only evidence is vague toddler gibberish.

“Danny pancake throw ouchie sister bark jump octopus cry!!!”

A child was hurt. Somebody is to blame. And if that weren’t enough, someone found their way into mom’s secret candy stash. Everyone had opportunity. Everyone had motive. This mom needs to find the clues. Part mother. Part detective. All drama.

Dancing with the Moms

Celia delivered a stunning routine entitled “Whose House is it Anyway?” She pirouetted and cha-cha’d through a floor strewn with toys, shoes, and backpacks. She showed brilliant footwork and poise as an unexpected Lego sent her on a celebration of lyrical beauty fused with passionate flamenco. Just when we thought her performance couldn’t be more inspirational, she delivered an emotional finale, collapsing in a perfect ball on the floor of her master bedroom, symbolizing the struggle with the clutter invasion that haunts her every day. “There are no words to describe it,” she said following the performance. “Why would they bring their things into my room when they have their own bedrooms, the playroom, and the living room to play in? I don’t even say anything when they take up all the kitchen counters. It was difficult not to let my emotion affect my form, but I hope the judges appreciate my fortitude and humility.”

Question Palooza!

Mary is on a hot streak this week, knocking every question her children throw at her out of the park. Last time, we thought she was finished when her son dared to ask a repeated question more than three times, but she was cool as a cucumber. Little does she know that the kids are planning a double-team that is sure to trip up her game.

“Mommy, what happens when super heroes need to go potty?”

“Mommy, a girl at my school told me where babies come from. Is she lying or are you lying?”

Uh-oh. Stay tuned.

Hoarders Jr. Edition

When every toy is a treasure and Shopkins become obsessions. When de-cluttering becomes impossible.

“They can’t possibly want any more toys!”

“No! It’s unreal! They need professional help.”

“Honey, this is one of your old teething toys. You’re 7-years old.” “I don’t care! I want it!!!!”

Next week: When the grandparents strike on Christmas Day, mom will think the birthday gifts were a walk in the park.

Dinner Wars

Was Blaire too ambitious in creating her 4-cheese mac n cheese with artisan bread crumbs? Her kids are connoisseurs of the simple box dinner, so this is going to be a tough call. Who knows if they will appreciate her creatively structured broccoli forest and cucumber lily pads? A whimsical side dish, to be sure, however she is taking a risk given that the children’s palates are sensitive to anything green. She has tough competition from Aunt Sarah who usually brings it home with her cartoon-shaped chicken nuggets and always has a surprise dessert up her sleeve.

Super Mom

Her daughter is late for school, the baby is throwing up, her boss just asked her to do one final thing before her presentation, and the car just broke down on the highway.  This looks like a job for….Super Mom!  Yes! Super Mom! Who can change the course of a stress-filled Monday morning with a twinkle of her eye.  Able to defuse tantrums single-handedly.  Defender of yoga pants, bedtime stories, and the peaceful family way.

On this exciting episode:  A group of PTO moms are on the verge of a nervous breakdown and are plotting to take it out on a visiting Girl Scout Troop.  Can Super Mom deliver the coffee in time to prevent the looming consequences of her over-worked and over-tired friends?

Mommy Talk

And now it’s time for…….MOMMY’S FAVORITE THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

YOU GET A NAP! AND YOU GET A NAP! EVERYBODY GETS A NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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