As I was packing my kids’ bags, I made sure not to forget my daughter’s eyedrops. Her eyes had been irritated for a few days, and I was determined not to let it get worse. I had the bottle of drops in my hand, and maybe some sunscreen in the other. At the same time I was calling for my kids to get their shoes on. In a matter of seconds I looked and the drops had disappeared. Impossible! I just had them. Did I pack them or not? I traced my steps. I thought to myself, Becky asked to wear her high heels, and you said yes, but she couldn’t find them. I remember grabbing my sunglasses, perhaps on the counter? No. I cleaned out the cat’s water, maybe by the sink? No. I must have turned her bag inside out a dozen times looking for the drops. They finally turned up in one of my purse’s little pockets. Funny, how determination and sanity can be overthrown so quickly. Someone innocently says “Mom” and everything changes.
Well, it has been awhile. It’s almost like every single utterance of “Mom” has kept me from blogging these past 3 months. I had a full blog written months ago, but have yet to publish it. Wanna know why? Because of a delay caused by a mixture of pride, terror, and a sea of mom duties. First, as I gazed at my writing, I hesitated. “This could be so much better, “I said to myself. Granted I didn’t say this in a low self-esteem way, but my head was swimming with the potential the message held. I decided to percolate. Before I knew it, it was Mother’s Day, and I had moved on to another idea that was appropriate and blog worthy. That particular idea, is still chicken scratched into one of my many notebooks. It seemed like every time I sat down to type, I never got anywhere because of either a runny nose, or a phone call, or (to be perfectly honest), the games on my phone were more appealing.
When it came to writing during the summer, conflicting thoughts and emotions ensued. “Excuses, excuses.” those little voice inside me trilled, “If writing is important to you, you need to make the time.” And sometimes the tone would change to a more serious baritone , “Your children are more important. You have plenty of time to write later.” So much time had passed by, that I had less of a desire to write, and the thoughts turned into this: “I have 11 followers. What’s the point?” “Nothing is ever going to come of this.” “Just give up. You’re not a writer.”
Now, summer is about to come to an end and I wonder what happened to all of my time and ideas I had. I feel like I have committed the Writer’s Cardinal Sin. I didn’t write consistently and now I am doomed. I think about whether I have lost all my accountability or let my followers down. I worry that my blog has become tainted, and even occasional visitors will glance at my time stamp and decide that I havent been writing presently enough to care to read. Thank God for my husband who keeps me sane and reminds me why I started this blog. I started it to rekindle my passion for writing, to help others, and to share the love of Jesus. I will definitley have more time to write once the kids start school. Everyone keeps asking me what my plans are. I pray and hope that my second year of bloggng will be more fulfilling and lively than the first. Hang on…I think someone’s caling me.
Do not whithold good from them to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it
*The featured image is of my darling loves at Carlsbad Caverns National Park, here in New Mexico.