I have been holding it in for a long while, but I can finally tell the world of Word Press that this mama is expecting baby number three. A few days before Christmas day I saw those two beautiful pink lines that confirmed what I had been hoping for for the past 2 1/2 years.
2 1/2 years of trying for a third child felt like an eternity, being that our first two kids were conceived quite quickly. I started doing research after about a year, wondering if I was stressing too much, if I had to change my diet, or if it was too late. I was creeping closer to the age of 40 and the stereotypes haunted me. And since I have had two miscarriages, the scenarios of hopelessness in my head were elevated. A mother can move on and be at peace after a miscarriage, but no amount of time and grief will keep an expectant mother from worrying that another miscarriage could happen. We moms hold a piece of the experience forever. I thought I miscarried before this pregnancy was confirmed. I wrote my Angel’s Await poem around this time, because mom’s who have gone through miscarriage were heavy on my heart. For awhile I was so paranoid that I thought I was going through early menopause. I had zero symptoms, but I believed it, thanks to the first search engine hit on the Internet. Normally, I don’t take much stock in the information the Internet has to offer, but I still gave into all the doom and gloom I was seeing about infertility after 2 kids etc. So…yeah, don’t do that! However, after a year when I was going through some difficult stages with my two kids, I thanked God for not answering my prayer. I knew we weren’t ready, and I knew God had a plan.
This pregnancy resembles my two others, but it has also come with some new things. My first pregnancy, I was sick the whole first month, and after that it was easy, other than the occasional struggle with constipation. Jonny was easier, except when he kicked, he kicked HARD. When I was pregnant with Becky I craved lemon, having never cared for lemon in my life. When I was pregnant with Jonny the same thing happened with cucumbers. Unfortunately, I also lost my taste for bananas and cannot stand the smell of them to this day. So far, in this pregnancy, there are no strange cravings to report. During the first trimester, nausea only came at night. Right around dinner time, food of ANY kind sounded absolutely repulsive to me. Sometimes I had to leave the room after dinner was cooked, and I was able to come back and eat with no problem. Other times, I would just stare at my plate, trying to get the taste of the food, (I hadn’t even eaten), out of my mouth. With every gag, and every wave of nausea I used it as an opportunity to praise God. A third child was a great desire in our heart that we prayed for, our family prayed for, and our friends prayed for.
February was a difficult month, because it came with a lot of guilt for not keeping up with my writing. After all, I’m always home. I certainly had the time, but the smallest things would leave me exhausted. Every time I came home after dropping the kids off at school I would come home and collapse into the sofa. Part of it was the pregnancy taking my energy, and the other was that my cat, Alvin always looks up at me with those beautiful green eyes beckoning me to cuddle on the couch with him. I felt lazy. I felt pathetic. Thankfully, another writer friend of mine told me, “Just accept the season that you’re in and don’t beat yourself up about it.” She is so right!
I admire other women who have gone through pregnancies MUCH harder than mine. I know there are ladies out there right now, in their third trimester, still throwing up and struggling to keep nutrients absorbed into their body. I know there are ladies out there on bed rest, because of complications. I know there are ladies out there praying for their pre-mature babies to make it through the night. So, me writing about an easy pregnancy when others have it so much harder, is kind of obnoxious.
To the mamas, like me, who are getting older and are worried when their doctor claims that they are “high risk”, I know that it is easy to let that discourage you. And during this coronavirus craziness, it is only natural for us expecting moms to be more on edge. After all, women over the age of 40 give birth to happy and healthy babies all the time. I pray for the safety of this world every morning and I pray for blessings for mothers everywhere.
Children are a gift from the Lord ; they are a reward from him.
Psalms 127:3 NLT
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him…Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:12;17 NIV